The brain is unlike any other organ in the body

During the last two decades, a window has opened on the living brain that reveals something far more plastic and amazing then was formerly dreamed possible. In what amounts to the blink of an eye scientists have developed more new brain technologies, than in all previous studies of human cognizance.

Their new discoveries:

• Increase our understanding of personal and interpersonal mental health problems.
• Highlight the critical importance of early nonverbal relationships on brain development.
• Explain why many of us find it so difficult to build and maintain productive, exciting, and meaningful relationships at home and at work.
• Assure us that positive brain change is possible.
• Suggest ways that we can change our brains for the better.

Unlike any other organ in the body, the brain is capable of changing in constructive ways throughout life. Loss will occur with age, but the brain is also capable of creating new neural pathways and even new cells.     

Why it is smart to feel

The new brain science shows us that emotion has far greater impact on us than previously imagined. The messages from our senses--our eyes, our ears--register first in the emotional parts of the brain, before moving into the thinking, planning portion. The emotion brain centers evolve earlier but continue to evolve right along with the neocortex and are now woven throughout that part of the brain, where they wield tremendous power over all brain functions. 

In studying people with strokes, brain tumors, and other types of brain damage, scientists have made some fascinating discoveries about intelligence.  When the parts of our brains that enable us to feel emotions are damaged, our intellects remain intact.  We can still talk, analyze, perform excellently on IQ tests, and even predict how one should act in social situations.  But under these tragic circumstances we are unable to make decisions in the real world, to interact successfully and appropriately with other people, to plan for the immediate or long-term future, to reason, or finally to succeed.

The human brain is a work-in-progress

New brain imagery technologies reveal that not only is the brain capable of building new neural pathways based on experience, but that it retains this ability throughout life. We used to believe that the brain was incapable of change once we become adults—now we don’t! " According to UCLA child psychiatrist and developmental specialist, Daniel J. Siegel, “At birth, the brain is the most undifferentiated organ in the body—with a plasticity that enables it to create new circuitry throughout life.”

The capacity for structural and functional change is most apparent in infancy and early childhood—but it never really ceases. In fact, measurements of the brain’s electrical activities and new brain images  confirm this ability for constructive life-long change. Scientists studying people over age ninety have found that their subjects’ brains can continue to produce new neural pathways even though older pathways are dying. The brain remains capable of renewing itself throughout life—so, our minds are always a work in progress. We now know:

• The brain is always capable of changing.
• The brain is especially open to change through relationship.
• Experience can override genetic predisposition.
• New experience can create circuitry that overrides past experience.

The human brain is highly social 

Our brains are uniquely structured to absorb information from people who are important to us. Human survival has always depended on the quality of our relationships with others. Physically vulnerable creatures that we are, we also need to adapt quickly; the ability to read and respond appropriately to the emotionally charged nonverbal cues coming from important others is a key to that success. All of this explains why the human brain throughout life is primed for change in emotionally laden and socially relevant contexts.

The brain is shaped at birth by social experience

Research shows that, at birth, the human brain is far from fully developed. It has few neural pathways at this stage, because these are formed through the baby’s experiences. Human relationships—our interactions with other people—shape the brain’s neural pathways, including those that are genetically programmed. Numerous recent studies on the brain and development show us that the brain responds to:

• Only one primary person at birth
• Nonverbal messages throughout life
• Emotional cues throughout life

The emotional attachment between you and your caregiver was the first interactive relationship of your life, and it depended upon the success or failure of emotionally driven nonverbal communication. The attachment bond profoundly shaped your unformed, undefined infant brain, affecting its development across all domains. The mother-child attachment bond plays a defining role in shaping the brain by profoundly influencing your:

• Emotional development
• Social development
• Intellectual development
• Physical development

Relationships continue to change the way our brains function

Humans are incredibly social beings constantly shaped by the influences of important others and especially by our first love relationship The brain’s remarkable adaptability at birth, together with the infant’s emotional focus on its primary caregiver, sets up a lifelong pattern for the individual’s thoughts, feelings, and behavior. This evolving pattern continues to affect the individual’s relationships, helping them to succeed, allowing them to fail, or assisting in healing damaged relationships.

Because the brain remains flexible throughout life, it is capable of continual change. This constant development is influenced by the people with whom we are emotionally attached. As we grow older, this inter-dependence continues to change the way our brains function.

Relationship shapes brain function

The interactive experience of communication with others plays a more dominant role than genetics in shaping and reshaping the structure and function of the brain, and in determining personal and interpersonal response and behavior.

Like a science fiction movie come true, the use of brain-scanning techniques allows us to see that a secure attachment bond formed with a primary caretaker shapes our ability to:

• Feel safe
• Develop meaningful interpersonal connections with other people
• Explore the world
• Deal with stress and adversity
• Recover from disappointment and loss

Why smart people may fail to get along with others    

Knowledge of the living brain and the role that attachment plays in shaping it has given us a new science for understanding why even smart people may have great difficulty communicating well with the most important people in their lives--both personally and professionally.

Cross-disciplinary research in neurology, psychiatry, biology, genetics, and psychology offer clear evidence of how and why the attachment bond continues to influence our lives. Previously, we could only speculate as to why important relationships never evolved or why they disappeared, disintegrated, or became contentious. Thanks to new insights into brain development, we now understand what it takes to help build and sustain productive, meaningful work and home relationships..

How the brains responds to missed or abusive relationship  

When the attachment relationship is inadequate, the brain adjusts to this insecurity by developing in less-than-optimal ways. Unsafe or unpredictable early environments affect the way we feel about ourselves and our future communication with others

Symptoms of insecure attachment that carry over into adulthood
Low self-esteem:	needy, clingy, or "I don't need anyone" pseudo-independent behavior
Unable to manage stress and adversity	lack self-control and inability to regulate feelings and emotions
Can’t develop or manage relationships	alienation from and opposition to parents, family members, and authority figures
Antisocial attitudes and behaviors	aggression and violence
Difficulty with trust	Discomfort with intimacy and affection
Negativity	hopeless, pessimistic view of self, family, and society
Lack of empathy	absence of compassion and remorse
Behavioral and academic problems	speech and language problems, difficulty learning
Incessant chatter	Restless, inattentive, constantly moving
Depression	apathetic, disinterested
Susceptibility to chronic illness	always ill
Obsession with food	hordes, gorges, refuses to eat, hides food

The list includes relationship difficulties that just about everyone has experienced at home or at work at one time or another. What matters most, however, is that because of the brain's lifelong flexibility, there is always the potential for creating new communication patterns through the kinds of experiences observed in secure attachments. Especially hopeful are studies of couples with only one secure partner, whose positive influence can lead to greater stability in the insecure partner.

What the brain needs to change for the better

If an infant can acquire a skill set that primes them for social and emotional health, so can you. But you have to learn this skill set the same way the infant learned it, nonverbally and by engaging your emotions and senses as well as your intellect.

The brain is primed to change in contexts that are social and emotionally laden.

To learn in a manner that produces change (and not merely a glut of information), you need to engage the emotional centers of the brain. There is a difference between learning,  taking in new information --and changing,  consistently applying what you have learned to the varying circumstances in your life.

Because your brain is capable of positive change, it is possible to attain a new level of social and emotional behavior, but in order to do this, you have to capture the attention of the emotional parts of your brain..

It takes motivation and determination to positively change your brain

Change is possible but it’s not as easy as swallowing a pill—though no more difficult than say learning to ride a bicycle. The belief that by simply having a positive attitude you can change your behavior when stressed is misguided. Belief alone won't change the reflexive emotional part of the brain when preexisting conditions influence the way your brain responds.

You can override self-defeating kneejerk thoughts, feelings and behaviors by developing new ways of thinking, feeling and behaving. Successful attachment relationship is a model for acquiring the skills that contribute to powerful and effective personal and interpersonal relationships. The model of successful attachment organizes the infant brain in ways that develop and preserve social and emotional health and build emotional intelligence. This same social emotional model can be used to reorganize adult thinking and feeling –provided there is emotional investment and some degree of social support.

EQ in Action

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